Bible: Ecclesiastes

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." -

Can You Date Your Friend's Ex?

3 Points to Remember

Yes. Yes, of course you can date the ex-partners of your friends. Of course you can. The question should really be, is it possible to keep your friend in the process.

We've all been there. We've all had friends with failed relationships. And as good as the friendship is, sometimes that ex is just too tasty to resist. We all know there is no cut and dry answer to this dilemma. Sometimes this is do-able. And sometimes it isn't. Some people are highly possessive regarding their ex's. Many years ago I dated the ex of a friend's cousin. It wasn't even my friend's ex. It was her cousin's ex. And the fall out was unbelievable. But in happier news, I had another friend who actually hooked me up with an ex of hers. That worked out fine and fun for all.

I could start with all that sappy obvious stuff, like saying: The first thing you really need to ask yourself is, how important is this friendship? Is this someone you've known through the gym for a year, or is this a long term 3:00 in the morning phone call - knows your favorite vodka as well as your favorite former teen idol - kind of friend? If this is a friendship worth fighting for, than fight for it. Fight the urge, and get over it.

Let's assume you've got 2 brain cells to rub together, and you've already assessed the situation. This is a good friend, a 3 AM friend, and still you find yourself texting The Ex, or casually trying to crash his weekly happy hour at a local bar.

One of the reasons you have a friend who's heard you admit you still kind of dig Matt Dillon over 3 Grey Goose Dirty Martini's, is honesty. You can let your hair down and be frank with her. You can tell her she has broccoli in her teeth. You can tell her you spent the rent money on a massage. Now is not the time to stop.

Remember how it felt to be in her shoes. One of the worst things about being dumped is that stupid feeling. Even if you saw it coming, you didn't really see it coming. Not really. So when he told you he wanted out, you were blindsided. You felt dumb for not having known he was unhappy.

Assume that's how your friend feels. And try to imagine how much more magnified that feeling would be if you make her feel stupid too.

I suggest a pre-emptive strike. Let her know. Immediately. Yeah, it's going to hurt her, and she will feel open and raw. But when day is done she will still have her dignity, and that goes a long way. Be truthful with yourself: you wouldn't want your so-called friend sneaking around behind your back. The odds are, neither would she. You know how she feels about the ex; you know how she feels about you. Much of the sink-or-swim of this will rely on how she feels about herself. And that is the hard part of the break-up. If you make her feel bad about herself, she will excommunicate you.

Making her feel good about herself is NOT about idiotic flattery and fake empathy. All you need to do is keep three goals in mind, for every sentence you speak:

1. Do not get dragged into a tit for tat about her failed relationship.
2. Do not compare.
3. And do not ever imply that you can succeed where she failed.

Do not get dragged into a tit for tat, this for that, he said she said - kind of conversation. If she wants to point out how he never called when he would be late, do not defend him and point out that her version of late is 25 seconds. If she tells you he didn't want to meet her parents, don't remind her about 10 years ago when she faked appendicitis to get out of having Easter dinner with her then boyfriend's father. You can't make the light bulb over her head suddenly illuminate where she says, "Oh you're right. What was I thinking? I was wrong, and you deserve him."That's not going to happen. So don't argue. Don't combat every point she makes with correction or an attempt at balance.

When she says he was always late, be her friend. Not the potential new girlfriend. Not her teacher. Not the judge. Just be her friend. Just nod. If you feel you have to say something, then sympathize. "That must have been frustrating." If she says he wouldn't meet her family, just nod. "I know how close you are to your family." If you don't give her a reason to fight harder, she won't. She wants to be heard. That's what that whole Venus woman thing is about, right? She wants you to hear her. So, hear her. She wants to feel better. Just let her. And be the friend you have been, not the girlfriend to the ex that you want to be. You don't have to take sides. If she really pushes for you to admit a more sided response, bow out. Shrug. "I wasn't there. I don't know. But I can see how bothered you were by it."

Do not compare. Ever. Do not compare how much better you would handle something with this guy than she did. Do not compare your past relationships to hers. Do not compare her past relationships with this one. Do not compare anything. And don't let her. Dismantle any comparison she attempts. If she starts comparing: "You are such a stickler for punctuality! You'll be even more upset than I was!" Just nod. Shrug. If you point out all the reasons why you won't get upset like she did, you're comparing, and you're making her fight back. Don't do that. Don't make her fight.

If anything, justify her. Justify her feelings, her intentions, even her initial attraction. If she says, straight out: "If you know all the bad things he did to me, then why in the world do you still want to go out with him!?" You have one response only.

"Because I see what you saw in him. I'm where you were when you met him." You understand why she got involved with this guy in the first place. She was attracted, like you are now. Just point that out if you're pushed. And don't go any farther. You aren't better than she is. You aren't going to learn from her mistakes and succeed where she didn't. You're just like her. At least, let her have that much.

And that brings me to my last point. Do not imply that you think you and the ex can have success. If she asks you if you really think you can make this work, don't say yes. Do not say yes! It's practically throwing down a gauntlet. The very best you can do, is put you on her level. Put yourself where she is, just in a different spot on the time line. You can say, "Maybe a month from now you'll be the one buying me martini's."

Let her see you as her friend, not as his girlfriend. At least, not yet. When she complains about him, leave it at that I hear ya, sister! feeling.

And the truth is in the beginning stages, you really don't know. She may be 100% right, and you may be exactly where she is in a few months. I do think it's possible to maintain your friendship while you go out with the ex. As long as you do it with care.

http://hubpages.com/hub/can_you_date_your_friends_ex

Promise To Stay In Touch

I couldn't find the right words
Nothing seemed to rhyme
To write something for you all
I think it will take time

Because when you have friends
That are very hard to find
There's so much to say
Because you make everything alright

So I will tell you right now
exactly what I need to say
To show you how much I appreciate
You being there everyday

You're worth more than anyone
even a million pounds
Because you always know what to say
When I am feeling down

You make me smile big smiles
And my days so very bright
And when I lose my way
You find me in the night

I sometimes wish I could explain
How much you mean to me
But its just not possible
To list a billion things

So I just wanted to say
I love you so so much
And I hope you never leave me
Promise to stay in touch

Awesomnenest

I couldn’t help but wonder where this Girl Code comes from, is it made in every girl’s blood or is it something we learn for surviving? Are the girl code really for women, would we need it if there were no men? Do men has pushed us to make the girl code or does just every girl is filled with bitchiness and has that  insatiable need to complicate everything in  life?  Whatever…Any rulebreak is punishable by bitching from fellow females.

The Single Girl Code is the most complex and voluminous of all the Girl Code sections simply because of the nature of the beast.  When you are unattached, you are essentially in competition with all other single women, including your friends.
Although Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: Never, ever, under any circumstances date your friend's; exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies... Do this at your own risk biatch!! Even This IS the most important it is still very common not to observe. But if You break it forget about your girlfriend forever and prepare for the BIG catfight.
Why do we ever need the men another girl has condemned? Is one woman’s disaster another’s luck? Can my tears really be happiness for someone else?
Rule no 2 : It is perfectly acceptable to take an automatic dislike to a girl/ judge them without ever speaking to them.  And that’s what WE, women, do all the time.. Not the right clothes, hair, body or attitude (if it ever gets so far)? Oh…Sweety, don’t even look at us! Men has always considered to be competitive, but take a better look at women…They have made Lipstick Jungle out there and You- Men are lucky to live outside that area although close enough to sometimes get involved.
Rule no 3: Never come down to Boyfriend illness.  It’s contagious, can quarantine you from all human contact, and is grounds for public uproar, geared towards you.  Always make time for your friends and lead a balanced life.Whether you plan a poker night every week, or make a vow to have Gossip Girl dates every Monday, keep a ritual with your friends and do your best to always honor it.  Yes, we are very good at rituals and for goodness sake if you do not attend one, there will definitely be gossips behind your back…and an intervention immediately. Do not choose a man over your best friend! .  If you change boyfriends so fast they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to as "The boy" or "That guy". That’s how we do It before a man has earned our respect : If we just met a guy and know absolutley nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' we use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy. Boys keep in mind: if you date a girl, you date her best friends too, that’s how it is and it will never ever change just for you..
Rule no 4: You are to never diss a friends boyfriend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he's being an asshole. (In most cases it is easier to nod.) Exception: If a guy cheated or dumped your friend it is exceptional for you to claim he isn't good enough, and that she deserves better as well as reminding her that he was an asshole anyway.
If you’ve gone through a breakup, chances are you had your army of girlfriends, however big or small, rally around you to pull you out of the abysmal trenches of post-breakup depression.  They helped you put the pieces back together, realize that your life doesn’t suck without him, and that, actually, you’re probably better off without him. Chocolate is an accepted food in any occasion… But just don’t forget Rule no 5: Always remember who was there to pull you up by the bootstraps and be sure to repay the favor when they’re down in the dumps.  If a friend had a horrendous day at work, bring over a bottle of wine and your Sex & The City DVDs to cheer her up.  The little things go a long way.
Whether you’re married, single, or sworn off men forever, remember: “a friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.”

The Boy

If you change suitors so fast that they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to by this generic title

Whay There Is A Girl Code

So we…Women just bond – we don’t seem to need all those props and trappings, pop and ceremony, sports and secrecy and silly games and funny handshakes. All women need for bonding is couple of chairs and a pot of tea – maybe not even that.  But… Whether you’re married, single, or sworn off men forever, to be part of this sisterhood and blessed with friends, The Laws of Girl Code is a capacious, complicated, and compulsory tome for all women. Girl Code has existed for generations, protecting and preserving friendships from our estrogen-infused tendency towards cattiness. Abide by Girl Code and you are sure to live a long, happy, drama-free life (at least when it comes to avoiding cat fights).

Title

“We don't see
things as they are,
we see them as we are.” - Anaïs Nin